Try as you might, it will never be right....it's still sin.

I am disheartened and sad by the amount of posts I see regarding gay marriage and abortion. 

Let me first say that I am a bible believing Christian.  I believe that the bible is the word of God. 

This world is full of sin.  Sin is sin.  Doesn't matter if you lie or kill someone, in God's eyes it's all the same.  No sin is greater than the other..sin is sin and God hates sin. Man puts merit on sin...God does not.  We are all the same in God's eyes.  We are sinners. 

I find it interesting that people say they believe in God, believe in God's word but then condone homosexuality and abortion.  Even go so far as to promote those sins.  If you believe in God and you believe in God's word, then you CANNOT believe that homosexuality and abortion are okay.  If you do, I do not believe you are a Christian. 

People argue that God made us and gave us free will and with that free will we can decide what to do with our bodies and it should be no one's business.  But it is God's business and He says it's wrong. 

I think people are mocking God and the beautiful creation of man and woman.  God created man and woman and from Adam and Eve came sons and daughters.  God had a specific reason for creating man and woman.  He gave great thought to this creation and their HOLY union. 

People have become desensitized to sin.  It is everywhere and if you see enough of it, eventually it becomes ok.  We see so much murder and rape on tv that people don't give a second thought to killing someone.  We see so much sex on tv, in advertisements, in books and magazines that it doesn't seem wrong anymore.  People are not shocked to see pictures of aborted babies because they have been told that "they aren't a person until they are born."  We think it is ok that women have sex with women, men have sex with men because God gave us the free will to do it.  Then we mock Him by saying it is ok for people of the same sex to marry.  I just don't understand it. 

I have heard people say, "As long as they are not hurting me, I don't care what they do."  Or, "To each his own."  All they are really doing is tolerating the sin....they have become desensitized to it.  Eventually, we will become numb to murder...we already have been to abortion. 

Am I judging?  Most people who read this would say I am.  My only defense is that I believe in the word of God.  I believe the words he gave us as instruction for our lives.  His word says it's wrong and because I believe in Him and in His words....He's says it's wrong so I say it's wrong and I speak out about it.  If that's judgment, then I am guilty. 

I am a sinner through and through.  I sin every single day.  Try as I might, I will never be free of my sinful nature.  My sin makes it so God cannot look upon me because He hates sin so much.  It's only because I have put my life and trust in His Son, Jesus Christ and the sacrifice He made for my sin, that God can even look at me.  But even though I am a sinner, I don't have to condone sin.  I can promote God, the word of God, and Jesus Christ's teachings even though I am a sinner. 

I hate the sin... I don't hate the sinner.  As I have said, I am a sinner, you are a sinner, everyone is a sinner.  Your sins are no worse than mine...I don't care if you have murdered, raped and killed.  I don't care if you are homosexual or a sexual predator.  Our sins are equal in the eyes of God.  God hates sin.  God hates MY sin....God hates your sin. 

I guess the whole point of this blog is to say that I have no right to judge anyone.  But I do have the right as a born again Christian to promote Jesus Christ and His teachings.  I do have the right to say what you are doing is sin.  I do have the right to say that homosexuality and abortion is wrong.  Why?  Because God says so.  If you want to condemn me for that, so be it. 

Decisions.......

Sitting here reflecting on life and the changes that have happened to me in a few short months.  I know I need to make some major decisions regarding my life and my health in the near future. 

One of them is my job.  I wonder how long I can keep it up working full-time.  Mornings are so hard  right now and it doesn't seem that the medicine I am taking is helping at this point.  I know I need to be  patient and wait, sometimes it takes as long as 6 months for it to work...if it's going to work.  That doesn't help me now.  The pain is now on both sides, affecting both hands and both feet.   I was really hoping that it would spare my left side...I guess that's not meant to be. 

I have to consider that I may have to drop to part-time and give up the position I love.  It's not that I can't do the job, I can, but there are aspects of my job that require me to have strength and full use of my hands, which right now I don't have.   I will give it my best while I can, pray for the meds to work, and deal with this decision when I know I can't give 100% anymore. 

On a better note, Michael received a promotion at work!  He worked long and hard for this and he's very happy about it!   I'm happy for him.   

Please keep me in your prayers.   I hate to ask...I feel selfish.   I need to slow the progression of this disease that I can feel eating away at my joints.  I need for this medicine to work.   I need reassurance for tomorrow.   My faith is shakey and I need prayers for that. 

...but you don't look sick....

It's amazing to me how little is known about RAD (rheumatoid  autoimmune disease aka rheumatoid arthritis).  I can't blame anyone for not knowing or understanding because at one time, I was like them.  It didn't touch my life and I didn't know anyone with it so there was no reason for me to really understand the disease.  

I was talking to a lady today and after answering her questions about RAD, she said "but you don't look sick!"  I didn't have anything to say to that because if you didn't know me or know that I have RAD, just looking at me will give no clues.  To most, I look healthy.  I don't have the joint deformities or nodules  that can come along with this disease.  I'm lucky that all I have is a bit of a limp resulting from painful, swollen toes and feet.  Other than that, I don't look sick. 

I wish that woman could look inside me though.  I wish I could too.  I can feel what it is doing to my body and sometimes it really scares me.  I have the swollen joints and pains that remind me daily that I have this disease but I often wonder if it is attacking organs that have yet to show signs.  When researching this disease, I had no clue about how RAD can affect organs.

Rheumatoid arthritis can affect nearly every part of the body. Complications may include:

• Damage to the lung tissue (rheumatoid lung)
• Increased risk of hardening of the arteries
• Spinal injury when the neck bones become damaged
• Inflammation of the blood vessels (rheumatoid vasculitis), which can lead to skin, nerve, heart, and brain problems
• Swelling and inflammation of the outer lining of the heart and of the heart muscle, which can lead to congestive heart failure.

With that in mind, I made the painful decision to start on disease modifying medications.  I was very  reluctant to start taking these types of medications because in all honesty, I was and still am afraid of the side effects.  For instance, the medication I have started has the ability to damage the retina causing blindness.  It also lowers the immune system resulting in more illness.  When I told my rheumatologist my fears, she reminded me that without the meds my disease would progress to a point that I would die from RAD or complications from the disease. 

There is no cure for RAD.  The medications used to treat it are to slow disease progression.   There is hope for remission but only through continued use of medication.  

It's hard facing the fact that I need medications in order to slow this disease.  With that comes side effects that can leave me sick and still hurting.  My biggest fear right now is that the medication side effects plus the flares of RAD will prevent me from working.  There are mornings I feel so sore from RAD, it's all I can do to get up and get going.  I can't imagine doing it with nausea, vomiting, diarrhea that come with the medications...not to mention the overwhelming fatigue that strikes during the work day.  I'm thankful to come home and nap!

So no, I don't look sick.  I'm thankful for that and I pray that I don't ever look sick.  I pray that the medications don't make my hair fall out or give me sores on my skin.  I pray that the medications help slow this disease and put it into remission.  I pray that someday there is a cure.